One Step Forward, Two Steps Back
I can remember the frustration of not being able to talk. I knew what I wanted to say, but I could not get the words out. So I would just scream. – Temple Grandin
Language Frustrations
I had a frustrating week. And it made me kind of cranky. It’s my last of four weeks of Spanish classes. I switched locations for the last week to one of the language school’s other locations in Panama City and arrived here on Sunday. In concept, this was a great plan. I see more of the country beyond the mountains of Boquete, expand my Spanish experience with variety of teachers, and change up my routine. But, as typical in life, the best plans don’t work the way you intended.
After five hours of daily Spanish lessons for four weeks this is what I’ve learned – this is too much information for an adult brain to handle in this short amount of time. A few week break in the middle could have been ok. Two weeks of lessons, then a month of practice in the real world highlighted by relaxing tourism activities, and then two weeks of lessons again. But if you’re over 25 and you try to intensely learn a language in a short time period, your brain will either spontaneously combust or you will become an alcoholic out of frustration. This week my brain put up a white flag of surrender to Español. It has run a marathon, and I’m going to be mentally hobbling around for a few weeks.
My frustration probably wasn’t helped by my change in location. While Boquete is scenic, walkable, and relaxing, with temperate mountain temperatures and periodic rain, Panama City is none of these things. It’s a big city which means it’s loud, full of traffic, expensive, and it’s hot and humid all the time. Don’t get me wrong, Panama City also has some amazing positive qualities. The people are incredibly friendly and helpful, it has a charming historic district, and is beautifully situated right on the water. But my mood this week was not conducive to big city living, or pale white girl sweating. Right now I’m just not feeling it.
My Spanish classes in Panama City are also in the morning instead of the afternoon and I decided I don’t like this very much. Shocker, I know, since I’m expounding sheer positivity right now. In Boquete, I got accustomed to having time to relax and get coffee, walk around and explore in the morning. In Panama City I have to be at class at 9am, and I feel rushed. It’s not that I’m tired or want (or can) to sleep in. What Panama City lacks in roosters is made up by my hostel’s pet dog and parrot which are (loud) creatures of the (early) morning. I’m also well aware that I used to show up to a job long before 9am, but unemployed traveling Cass has a different schedule these days.
My new morning instructor, Stella, is pleasant enough. Stella is in her 40’s, has two kids, is divorced, and is originally from Colombia. But her accent is also different than what I’m used to, so I had a problem understanding her the first day. By the second day, I got tuned in to what she was saying, but the situation was beyond maddening. Aside from the stress of being trapped alone in a room for hours with someone you don’t understand, what about when I’m in the real Latin American world? What am I going to do, corner every person I meet and make them talk to me for four hours before I understand their accent?? I can barely entrap a coffee shop waiter in a four minute conversation before they start talking to me in English or move on to someone who speaks their language.
My ‘group’ classes are also alone again, which doesn’t help. There are other students at the school, but we aren’t in the same level. So once again I have five hours of daily private lessons. One might think I’m happy to get the most bang for my buck with this situation, but it’s actually a lot harder. Class isn’t as fun when you’re struggling through four hours of awkward mistakes by yourself. It’s less pressure, and more reassuring when you see someone else struggle with the same concepts. You feel like less of a dumbass. I’m also in a new level of Spanish and it’s more challenging because it’s now beyond what I learned in school. Add to that the fact that I’m learning the subjunctive, which is a verb tense that doesn’t exist in English. Suffice it to say I bought a few bottles of vino this week.
Getting Out of Class
In the midst of all this mental exhaustion and frustration I went to a Panamanian baseball game on Wednesday. The group was a mix of instructors and students. Two instructors went to the game including one of my instructors from Boquete, Alexander, who is in Panama city for a few weeks helping out. Alex spent the first part of the game taking the perfect selfie for his social media sites. Sigh. Millennials. I don’t know the other instructor well but he and Alex are cheering for opposing teams, which keeps the game interesting by adding an air of competition.
The students include myself, Tim and Fraser, who are a couple of Brits, and a Brazilian name Andre. Andre has been taking lessons for only two weeks but is by far the most natural speaker. Portugese has a lot of similar words and structure to Spanish, so the transition comes fairly easy for him. I shared an Uber with the Brits to the game and we chat mostly in English the entire way. Tim knows some Spanish but it’s Fraser’s first week of the language, so he’s having a hard time understanding what’s going on around him. I shouldn’t enjoy seeing another student struggle, but I do. It’s weirdly satisfying and it makes me feel better and more confident about my own language skill.
Once we get to the stadium I chat with Andre for awhile. I like talking with him. Andre’s a pleasant and amiable guy who doesn’t talk too fast, doesn’t use too big of words, and can similarly understand what I’m saying in Spanish. At this point it’s just so nice to talk to someone who wants to practice, but is closer to my level of kindergarten talk. However I’m also steaming with jealously of him and his ability to speak so damn naturally.
The game is Chiriqui vs Bocas. Chiriqui is is eastern Panama near Costa Rica and is where Boquete is based, so naturally I’m cheering for them. Also Bocas’ colors are green and yellow and these are not good colors on me. Bocas is the beach front region that’s known for beautiful beaches and always throwing a party. It’s also home to the third location of my Spanish school. The other instructor and most of the crowd are Bocas fans. The two regions of Panama are geographically next to each other so they are natural rivals. This helps make the game that much better.
Chiriqui is winning for most of the game but Bocas scores a few runs in the later inning. By the time we get to the 9th inning it’s a tie. I’m all for exciting tie breaking sports, but I have a time limit when it comes to baseball. I love the first five innings when I have a full beer in my hand and the excitement of competition around me. By the 7th inning my beer is empty and I’m over the fried food and dirty bathroom situation. By the 9th inning, I’m telling the teams to wrap it up already, because I’m ready to go home.
Also, if you think US baseball can be slow at times, come to a game in Panama. It moves at a snail’s pace. The pitcher needs to talk to someone after every pitch. The batters take an inordinate amount of time to warm up. Those nine innings took 4 1/2 hours and by the time we start the 10th inning it’s midnight. Keep it moving boys.
I make it through the 11th inning but it’s still a tie. I’ve started cheering for whichever team is up to bat. The Brits and I peace out and head back to our respective residences. I found out later that Bocas scored a run in the 12th inning to win the game. Good for them. This game was only the first game in a seven game series so there is another 50 hours of baseball left to go that rivalry. I was just happy to get out of the classroom and do something fun. Even if I didn’t understand what everyone was saying.
